Negativity

These days, it is surprising anyone is able to succeed, given the dynamics of our society. When one has the drive and the will to do something new, something exciting, everyone around just seems to want to discourage him from doing anything that would be considered somewhat risky. For example: marriage, having new baby, changing jobs, considering an entirely different field of work. Whenever a person announces their plans, the closest people seem to have nothing better to do then pour negativity all over the aforementioned plans.

recently a friend of mine announced to her family her desire to continue her studies as a speech pathologist. The reason she decided to do that was because she was not happy in her current line of work, and to me, it seems very sensible to try something different in order to find peace and happiness. That's what I would do. But her family thought otherwise, they reminded her that the money she spent on her education thus far would be wasted. So what's the solution? lead an unhappy life in order to get the money worth it?:) Does not make sense. At all.

My own family suggested that I should move up to management position but I refused because I am very happy where I am and I absolutely loath weekly meetings that are essential to any managerial position, besides, why fix something that's not broke?:) Their rebottle was "But then you will never make really good money!"

-"So what? If I do, I will be working 60 hour weeks and do what I hate. What's the benefit of that?"

-"Margarita does it. She hates it but it pays well"

-"It is her choice. I just want to be happy. What's the benefit of excellent salary if I don't even have time to enjoy the said money?"

-"You can go on really nice vacations with your family"

Oh yeah, in exchange for my son growing up without me and my husband never getting to see me, we will spend 1-2 weeks, at most 3 weeks together at some remote destination where I will be tired and irritable after a very long year of doing what I hate?:) Thank you, but no.

When I decided to remarry, my family tried to stop me and kept giving me reasons not to marry and begging me to wait a couple of years. I didn't listen, I followed my heart instead. As a result, I am finishing up my fifth year of a very happy marriage. Then, on our second year into marriage we wanted to have a baby and once again my family tried to stop us, promising that our life will be over and we will never sleep again. Well, we ended up having a beautiful healthy baby boy who slept through the night (I mean 8-12 hours a night) from the start. He turned out to be a very calm, friendly and easy-going toddler with a very healthy appetite. That didn't reassure anyone, people around me started promising me a very "bright" future: "You just wait! When a child is that good as a baby, he will make trouble for you later on in life. We have seen many children that were problem free in the infancy but later on they went wild. You will cry later."

What's with this "crying later" thing? What is it if not a way to program a person so that if trouble didn't start at the beginning, to expect it to hit hard later? Whatever happened to hope for a better future, not worse??

The other day I told someone how good my 18 month-old toddler is, already helping me on the kitchen. My little son would take out plates and pass them on to me to shelf and also he helps me load the dishwasher and helps out to sort out the laundry. I am amazed not only at his willingness to help but ability to really contribute and make my task easier. And as I am sharing happily, the person says "If you are thinking he will help out later on, you are wrong".

Actually, the children that do not help later on, are the ones who constantly heard "go sit down! don't touch anything!" My little one is used to me gratefully accepting his help and willingly showing him how to do things. this way he makes his contribution to the family and enjoys spending time with his mother while gaining self-esteem from being able to perform useful tasks.


Then another thing - my husband and I decided to go on vacation with our toddler. Well, the only thing we heard so far was "oh, in that case you won't have any rest. Good luck!"
Really?:) We won't have any rest staying in all-inclusive hotel with absolutely nothing to do but spending time with our son? Don't make me laugh. We get to rest at home where there is always cooking, cleaning, and laundry to be done, why would not we rest if all the chores are done for us?

Next thing was when we wanted to take a trip to Israel to see some family and, while in that area, take a 1-2 day excursion to Jordan and 1-2 days to Egypt. The response from people was "Who does that?? 10 days is not enough for Israel. And there are no 1 day trips to Jordan or Egypt."

Well, first of all, 10 days is all we can take off to use on the trip, and as for Jordan and Egypt, I already found 1 to 3 day trips from Eliat. And yes, it's not enough time to see everything, but it sure as hell better than not going at all. Some people never get to go anywhere longer than one week, so what's the solution? Not go?:) Give up hope?:) Come on!

"Alchemist" by Pablo Coelho came to mind. In particular the part where a man who always wanted to travel but never went because he wanted to make money first and travel in comfort. So he worked all his life, putting money away, tied up, unable to leave his business, and finally, at the age of 60 or 80 he took one single trip to Africa. Meanwhile a shepherd without a penny in his pocket, sold his sheep and with what he got from the sale he went around the whole world, getting to see things the old man who worked every day of his miserable life, could not ever dram of seeing.


I refuse to be careful, I refuse to be afraid. I will get what I can from life and sure as hell I will enjoy it.

My advice to all is to stop listening to people around you, stop being frightened of the future, stop creating your own limitations, stop letting others put garbage in your head. Don't let anyone program you for failure, even out of best intentions to "protect" you. Just follow your heart and go for what you want!

The story of two pots - you are good the way you are

An elderly water bearer had two large pots, each hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master’s house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.
For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water in his master’s house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. “I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you.”
“Why?” asked the bearer. “What are you ashamed of?”

“I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master’s house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don’t get full value from your efforts,” the pot said.

The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, “As we return to the master’s house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path.”

Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure.

The bearer said to the pot, “Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot’s side? That’s because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you’ve watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master’s table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house.”

The one you feed

An old Cherokee told his grandson, "My son, there is a battle between two wolves inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy and truth." The boy thought about it and asked, "Grandfather, which wolf wins?" The old man quietly replied, "The one you feed."

Universe listens

It is incredible how our thoughts materialize and how the Universe delivers us whatever we ask for.

Like the other day I was going over fall clothes for my son and washing and putting away into storage things he won't be wearing for a while and separating all the things he will not be wearing, so I decided to donate to charity those clothes. I posted on Facebook asking my friends if they know of a good local charity where I can donate baby clothes in a good condition and people sent me many responses but I have decided to go with Purple Heart. I searched google for local Purple Heart but their hours were not suitable for me to make a drop off, so i have decided to call them later and see if I can schedule something but I got busy and never did. I never told anyone about what I've decided either.

Two days later I got a card in the mail from ... Purple Heart saying that they will be on our street in 1.5 week to pick up things and whoever wants to donate needs to schedule a pickup online. I looked at the card and it said "Deliver by 09/19/11". And the day when I decided to contact Purple Heart was a Saturday 09/17/11. How amazing is that?

Experiment with control dramas

Yesterday my mother visited us and I decided to use that as an opportunity for experimenting with protecting yourself from control dramas. My mom is the biggest interrogator I have known and every single visit she asks probing questions, trying to get to something my husband or myself are doing wrong as parents.

So in order to avoid irritation and aggravation I have decided to consciously send her energy the minute she walked in throught the door. I thought of her and went over in my mind everything I love about my mom, thinking how beautiful she is and how she keeps herself in a excellent shape in spite of her age, what a great sense of humor she has and how she always tries to do something nice for my husband and I. I saw her as a higher being and not an older grumpy woman and I almost physically could feel the air getting lighter around us.

Well, I must say, it really worked for my mom have not made a single negative comment and did not ask one single question in attempt to reveal anything negative that she could critisize.

It was a first time in a while that I didn't want to break windows after my husband took her to her next destination. I will definitely try the same thing next time I see her or even talk to her.

Control dramas and how to deal with them

There are 4 control dramas people use to get energy from others, 2 aggressive and 2 passive:

Interrogator - asks questions, probing into your life to find something wrong and criticize you for it

Intimidator - threatens you verbally and/or physically to get your energy

Aloof - plays coy and keeps away from people thus forcing them to struggle for your attention

Poor me - telling guilt-inducing stories, blaming others for your problems


The dramas are interconnected in the following way:

Interrogator == Aloof
Intimidator == Poor me

So interrogator creates aloof or another interrogator, and vice versa, and intimidator creates poor me or another intimidator.

For instance someone threatens you and you get scared and try to protect yourself by playing poor me, trying to get the intimidator to feel sorry for you or to feel guilty. obviously, playing aloof will not work when your safety is threatened with brute force. If guilting the intimidator does not work either, you are forced to reply with the same brute force as was brought against you, thus turning into intimidator yourself.

We develop our control dramas unconsciously, based on what we learned from our parents: interrogator parents produce aloof children, and aloof parents - interrogator children.

For example a friend of mine is interrogator - her parents are too busy with their lives and prefer not to communicate much with their daughter, being very aloof. So she had nothing left to do but interrogate them by asking questions and then finding something wrong with their replies to get some attention and energy from them. I, on the other hand am very aloof, I can spend hours in a room full of people without saying a word to anyone. My aloofness resulted from growing up with interrogator mother - she constantly asked me questions about my life and found strange pleasure in finding something wrong. So the only way for me not to get upset was not giving her any details and so the habit was formed. I started believing that the less people know about me, the less they can annoy me.

All four control dramas are harmful to us, as well as those around us. People surrounding us suffer when we steal their energy, and we, ourselves suffer because our control dramas do not allow us to stay connected to the source and follow our path.

Take for instance aloof drama - the aloof person will always keep missing important information by not letting people get near. So if you are aloof and someone on your path carries important message for you, you will shut them out and so they won't be able to deliver the message to you.

The only way to not be affected by control dramas is to learn to recognize them and bring them to consciousness. So if you are dealing with someone with a control drama who is trying to use it to steal your energy you need to recognize what type of drama they are using, then send them energy willingly, thus elliminating the need for them to compete for energy with you, and then bring their drama to consciousness y pointing it out to them. For example if someone telling you about bad things that happened to them and implies that it is your fault those things happened, you know you are dealing with poor me, and in order not to get pulled into their game by becoming intimidator or another poor me, you can say something like "Am I supposed to feel guilty?" or "I can't help feeling that you think I should be feeling guilty?", thus bringing their control drama to consciousness. Remember that control dramas are unconscious and the person guilting you can be completely unaware what they are doing to you. All they know they feel energized when doing what they are doing and they want to keep feeling good so they continue doing the same thing.

Now be prepared that the reaction of the person can be very unexpected and most likely they will not like you bringing their drama to consciousness.

About forgiveness

Many people are struggling with forgiving those who are not sorry. It's the hardest thing to do when the offending person shows no remorse for their actions. The thing is, they do not need your forgiveness half as much as you do, for holding a grudge damages you more than it does anyone else.

The way to forgive a person who is not sorry is to think about what they have done to you and analyze it and figure out what good did their actions bring to you, how did it help to shape you into the person you are today.

Once you will see that whatever was done to you only forced you on the right track of your life and brought you a number of benefits, you will see how your anger and resentment against that person slowly disappearing.

Coincidence or awareness?

I started noticing that I often think of someone only to realize that that someone just sent me an e-mail or text message the moment I thought of them.

For instance today my husband took our son to an appointment and he was supposed to call me when they get out. I was busy at work and did not realize the time and that it has been over an hour past appointment time. My phone was on silent so I went to get it from my desk and saw that my hsband messaged me at 11:19, I looked at the clock and the time was 11:19! So he texted me as I was getting my phone from the desk drawer to check for his call. Then I saw a missed call from him at 11:17 - precisely when I thought of him and thought of checking my phone.

Surround yourself with positive glow

After talking to one of my friends few days ago, I started thinking about popsitive effect of good intentions. One person could give us something with a good intention, and just intention on its own is capable of improving quality of our lives. So just imagine for a second that you are surrounded by many well-meaning people who daily and hourly send you their positive energy and good intentions. Can you imagine how much impact that would make on the quality of your life.

Each one of us has people who irritate and upset them, whether intentionally or unintentionally, whether daily or once in a while. those people could be friends, family or coworker, or even complete strangers. We just never think about how much negative impact the company of those peopel have on us and how much good would come out of just letting those people go and not subject ourselves to their company.

Imagine having regular Sunday brunches with an aunt who constantly nagging you to have more children. Imagine being stuck in her small apartment Sunday after Sunday, listening to her going on and on about the things you are not comfortable with. After all it's you and not her, who will take responsibility and provide care for the children, so why would she keep on nagging? There is no answer to this question and there is nothing you can do to change her. But what you can do is stop coming to those Sunday brunches and instead go somewhere where you will feel much better.



If one positive thought could do wonders, imagine how many miracles would happen if you had 5, 10, 15 people who send you positive energy. The key is to surround yourself with positivity and completely shut out negativity and you will be able to accomplish anything, no limits.


So from now on I will do everything in my power to shut out the negative and will seek company of those souls that provide me with positive feedback I need, and in return I will shower them with positive energy. That's what I call fair exchange. The more they send, the more I will be able to give back and vice versa.


P.S. For years my husband and I subjected ourselves to a non-stop flow of negativity from a family member. We wanted to get away many times but never did - after all he is family. Now that we finally got away and cut all ties, I am slowly starting to feel liek a burden was lifted of my shoulders. Family or not, no one has the right to decrease quality of life for myself as well as my loved ones. I know we deserve better than that

Whatever happens, happens for the best

Today I saw again, how everything that happens to us, happens for our own good, even if it does not seem that way at first.

Today I was late for my train and I was very upset since I knew I won't make it to work on time. So I had to wait at the train station and get on the next train.

When my train got to the next stop, a woman got in who told me how previous train stopped and everyone had to get off and wait in the cold for next one.

So if I made it to the earlier train I would have waited in the cold too and then would have to ride standing up because the train was full. And if that woman haven't told me, I would have never known. A lot of times we get upset at thing that happen to us and we never realized that when things don't go our way, it means we have avoided something worse


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If they don't understand you...

A fervent Buddhist lady made every effort to love others. But every time she went to the market, a merchant made indecent proposals to her.

One rainy morning, when the man bothered her once again, she lost control and hit him on the face with her umbrella.

That same afternoon, she sought out a monk and told him what had happened.
“I am ashamed,” she said. “I couldn’t control my hate.”

“You did wrong to hate him,” answered the monk. ” But life is about communicating our feelings to each other – and you need to understand that people are different”.

“The next time he says something, fill your heart with goodness.
“And hit him again with your umbrella, because that’s the only language he knows.”